I bet you thought I was dead!

Luckily for you, me, and all humanity, I most certainly am not. But what brings me back here after so many lonely, blogless nights, you ask? That which brings any great mind back to the forge of its most awe-inspiring creations -- sexual frustration! Alas, with each passing day my mind grows muddy, my thoughts clouded with the impure thoughts of various unholy activities, darting about and growing ever more twisted, like tadpoles in a pool of toxic waste.

On second thought, this is stupid. Blogging won't solve my problems, it will just cover them up, letting them lie dormant within my psyche for years, then suddenly bursting forth, violently, taking the form of a 40-year old man who is entirely fed up with the DMV to the point of actually taking the time to write an angry letter to his local Senator or Representative. That's right -- I'm twisted. And stupid. This is stupid. My motivations are stupid. My tadpole simile is STUPID. I'm leaving.